The tradition of exchanging wedding vows dates back to the mid-1500’s. Originally inspired by The Book of Common Prayer, vows have taken many different forms over the years. Some couples stick with tradition and recite the age-old script, some take a religious approach and infuse Bible verses, and others write their own vows. The latest trend? Private wedding vows.
Along with the rise of micro weddings and city hall ceremonies, more and more couples are choosing to exchange their vows in private for an added level of intimacy. Let’s explore why couples are opting for privacy and how to incorporate this special touch into your own wedding day.
Why Some Couples Prefer Private Vows
Although wedding vows are a key element of traditional marriage ceremonies, there are many reasons why couples are opting for audience-free vows.
Anxiety: No matter how outgoing you are, proclaiming your love in front of all your friends and family can be nerve-wracking. Private vows can help you eliminate unnecessary stress and truly enjoy your wedding day.
Inside jokes: Many couples include memories or inside jokes in their wedding vows to make them more personal and heartfelt. Sharing vows in private allows you to be open and authentic without worrying about keeping things PG.
Venue restrictions: Some religious venues — like Catholic churches, for example — might have stipulations against writing your own vows. By exchanging vows in private, you can abide by their rules while also making your vows your own.
Intimacy: Today’s couples favor intimacy over exaggeration. Private wedding vows help you focus on what really matters instead of worrying about tripping over your words or putting on a performance for your guests.
5 Ways to Exchange Private Vows
If you choose to exchange your vows privately, it’s up to you how and when to do so. Here are a few ways we’ve seen couples share private wedding vows:
- Over a cup of coffee in the morning
- On a walk before getting ready
- During your first look
- Exchange handwritten letters before the ceremony
- Private toast during cocktail hour
- Wait until your honeymoon
Consider what feels most authentic to you and your partner. For many couples, private vows are a way to celebrate the everyday moments together. Think about your favorite hobbies and places as a couple, and go from there. It could be as simple as sitting on your living room couch with the cats curled up next to you or sharing a drink at the neighborhood bar where you first locked eyes.
How to Write Private Wedding Vows
Now that you’ve decided to exchange private wedding vows, it’s time to write them! While writing your own vows can feel intimidating, it’s not as daunting as it may seem.
Think about your partner: What do you love about them? What makes them happy? What are some of your favorite moments together?
Think about your future: What are your hopes and dreams for your life together? How will you show up for one another? What promises can you make?
You don’t have to be a writer to write beautiful vows; they can be as simple or creative as you like. Approach your wedding vows the same way you would approach writing a love letter.
If you’re truly stumped, ChatGPT can help you get started with an outline or ideas on different ways to structure your vows. Just be sure to use it as a starting point, not the final product. No one wants to hear AI vows on their wedding day!
Rachel Kauffman is a Detroit-based content writer, bookworm, and cat mom to two feisty felines.
