Your wedding should be one of the happiest days of your life — but it’s also notoriously one of the most stressful. With endless decisions to make, a limited budget, and unsolicited opinions from others, it’s easy to forget why you’re planning a wedding in the first place.
To help you stay focused and stop stressing, we’re dispelling five popular myths you may hear (and should ignore!) about your wedding day.
Myth #1: You have to invite everyone
As soon as you announce your engagement, people start to wonder if they’ll be invited to the wedding. Some are even bold enough to ask!
While it’s normal to feel pressure from friends and family, remember that it’s your big day — not theirs — and you shouldn’t feel obligated to celebrate it with anyone that’s not your nearest and dearest. Just because someone invited you to their wedding ten years ago doesn’t mean you have to return the favor, even if they’re family.
Broadly speaking, if you haven’t spoken to someone in over a year you can safely exclude them from your guest list. Prioritize immediate family, lifelong friends, and those who have been around for pivotal milestones. If parents are contributing to your wedding budget and want to invite a few people, have an honest conversation about how many people they can include and set boundaries.
Alternatively, if you want to invite everyone but budget is an issue, consider an elopement or micro wedding with a large reception afterwards. This way you can include everyone without hurting feelings or breaking the bank.
Myth #2: You have to go broke
It’s no secret: weddings can be expensive. A lesser known secret? They don’t have to be. You can plan a wedding for $5,000 or $50,000 — it all comes down to the venues and vendors that you choose.
Certain aspects like location are rigid. A wedding venue in Boston will almost always cost more than a venue in rural Maine, for example. But you can counteract that expense by saving in other areas. If you splurge on a beautiful downtown venue, don’t spend money on unnecessary wedding decor. If you splurge on live entertainment at your reception, opt for digital stationery that saves money and the planet. Make a list of your wedding day priorities and find ways to swap this for that according to your preferences.
Another way to save money is to ask for help. Instead of a gift, ask your friends and family to contribute to your wedding in other ways. If your cousin is a hairstylist, ask her to do your wedding day hair in lieu of a gift. Likewise, if your brother-in-law is handy with tools, ask if he can help you DIY an arch instead of buying one. Your loved ones will feel honored that they were able to help you bring your dream wedding to life.
Myth #3: You have to follow tradition
People have certain expectations about weddings. For many years, marital celebrations followed the same rituals and routines — sometimes out of preference, and sometimes out of obligation. And while there’s nothing wrong with following tradition, there’s also nothing wrong with not following tradition.
In fact, these days it’s trendy to throw a non-traditional wedding. Couples want to express themselves and celebrate in authentic ways. Private wedding vows? Say less. Taco Bell truck for a late night snack? Yes, please. You may feel pressure from loved ones to do things a certain way, but remember that you are your own person and your dream wedding may look different from theirs.
That being said, friendly reminder: weddings can be a sensitive topic. If someone gives you advice or shares an opinion that differs from your wedding plans, always be polite and receive it with an open heart. They just want your day to be perfect.
Myth #4: You have to have an open bar
Let’s face it… as wedding guests, we all secretly hope there will be an open bar at every wedding we attend. After spending money on travel, lodging, outfits, and a wedding present, no one wants to spend more money to enjoy a few drinks during the reception.
On the other hand, it’s not actually the newlyweds’ job to pay for guests’ alcohol. You’re already paying for their food and entertainment; anything else is a bonus. If an open bar isn’t in your wedding budget, that’s okay. Communicate that there will be a cash bar so people can plan accordingly and not be surprised — or empty handed — on the day of. You can also try to find a middle ground and pay for guests’ first drinks as a nicety.
Additionally, it’s wise to know your audience and consider your guests’ limitations. Sober culture is on the rise and weddings can be a slippery slope for people with a negative relationship to alcohol. Keep this in mind as you weigh the pros and cons of an open bar. There’s nothing wrong with swapping cocktails for mocktails!
Myth #5: You have to give everyone a plus one
The topic of plus ones can be polarizing. No one wants to show up to a wedding alone and everyone thinks they’re entitled to bring a friend, even if they’re single as a Pringle. How do you decide who gets to bring someone to your wedding and who doesn’t?
First off, spouses are always invited. If you’re inviting a friend, you’re also inviting their spouse unless there’s a huge rift or obvious reason why you wouldn’t.
If someone isn’t married but is in a relationship, it can be harder to decide if you should invite their partner. Ask yourself these questions:
- Do they live together? If so, the relationship is serious and you should invite both partners.
- How long have they been together? A relationship younger than six months doesn’t require a plus one unless you have plenty of seating available.
- Do you know the significant other? And if so, do you like them? Use your discretion and invite the partner if you think they’ll be a positive addition to the party.
For single guests, think carefully before you extend a plus one invitation. Sometimes people invite a random acquaintance or worse, a revenge date.
Wedding Truth
In the midst of choosing napkin colors and designing seating charts, remember that your wedding is all about you and your soon-to-be spouse. You’ll never be able to please everyone else and, on this day, you shouldn’t have to.
