If Kat Stratford (10 Things I Hate About You) taught us anything, it’s that you don’t have to do something just because everyone else thinks you should. And that’s particularly valid when it comes to parties.
Whatever it is that makes you dread parties, it doesn’t mean you have to stop celebrating altogether. Most of the things we think of as party requirements, like big guest lists, speeches, games, decorations, drinking, and dancing, aren’t requirements at all. So instead of planning the party you think you’re supposed to have, start with the things you hate about parties…and then get rid of them.
Here are 10 things people hate about parties, along with some ways to celebrate instead.
1. “I hate small talk.”
Small talk is pretty much unavoidable at a traditional party. You make the rounds, comment on the weather, explain how you know the host, talk about work, rinse and repeat until you find someone you actually want to talk to.
Try instead: An activity-based celebration.
Giving everyone something to do takes some of the pressure off the conversation and creates a built-in reason to interact, even if your guests don’t know each other well. Try things like trivia, bowling, karaoke, an arcade, a cooking class, an escape room, or even paintball. Pick something you’d genuinely enjoy even if there weren’t a celebration attached to it.
2. “I hate big crowds.”
Somehow, planning a party can turn into assembling every person you’ve ever met. Family. Friends. Then coworkers. Then plus-ones. And suddenly, your intimate birthday party has a guest list of 47 and includes people you haven’t spoken to since 2019.
Try instead: Be ruthless with the guest list.
You don’t owe everyone you know an invitation just because you’re celebrating something. Start with the people you genuinely want to spend the occasion with, and then stop there. If that’s eight people, great. If it’s three, that’s great too.
3. “I hate being the center of attention.”
There’s a special kind of awkward that comes with sitting silently while an entire room sings “Happy Birthday” at you. Where do you look? Are you supposed to sing too? What do you do with your hands?
Try instead: Take yourself out of the program.
Skip the traditions that put you in the spotlight. Open gifts later, nix the speeches, forget the grand entrance, or plan an activity where you’re participating alongside everyone else. You can still be the reason everyone is together without being the main attraction.
4. “I hate hosting.”
Sometimes it’s not the party you hate. It’s everything that comes with having one at your house. Cleaning before everyone arrives. Shopping. Decorating. Figuring out where everyone is gonna sit. Keeping food and drinks stocked. And then cleaning everything all over again after everyone leaves.
Try instead: Get the party out of your house.
Book a private room at a restaurant, rent an event space, take over a patio, or find a venue that can handle some of the work for you. Depending on where you celebrate, the food, drinks, tables, chairs, setup, and cleanup might already be covered. And you still get to bring everyone together. You just don’t have to spend the next morning pouring weird liquids out of random cups.
5. “I hate loud parties.”
There’s nothing quite like spending an entire night yelling, “WHAT?!” at someone standing two feet away from you. Add a crowded room, loud music, and people constantly bumping into you, and a fun night out can turn exhausting pretty quickly.
Try instead: It’s simple. Turn it down!
Skip the DJ and EDM beats, and build a lo-fi playlist to play in the background. Look for a venue with smaller rooms or separate spaces rather than a single open floor plan. If you’re hosting outside, keep the speakers away from tables and seating areas. You can also consider skipping microphones, speakers, or amplified entertainment altogether if your guest list is small enough.
6. “I hate drinking.”
Cocktail hours, champagne toasts, open bars, drinking games. Alcohol has become such a standard part of celebrating that planning a party without it can almost feel like you forgot something.
Try instead: Rethink the drink menu.
You don’t have to skip alcohol altogether, because let’s face it, some guests come for the booze. But you can give it a much smaller role. Offer a few cocktails alongside genuinely good nonalcoholic options, put together a mocktail menu, set up a coffee or espresso bar, or try something different like dirty sodas, flavored lemonades, aguas frescas, or a seasonal cider.
And if you’d rather leave alcohol off the menu entirely, do it. It’s your party.
7. “I hate dressing up.”
Sometimes you want to celebrate without spending two hours getting ready first. Fancy clothes, uncomfortable shoes, shapewear, your standing pants instead of your sitting pants, hair, makeup, and an outfit you’ll spend half the night adjusting. And if there’s no listed dress code, you get to spend time worrying about being over- or under-dressed. Sometimes getting ready for the party is more exhausting than the party itself.
Try instead: Plan around what you actually want to wear.
If your ideal birthday party outfit is jeans and a t-shirt, then wear it. Pick a restaurant, venue, or activity where you’ll feel perfectly comfortable showing up dressed that way.
8. “I hate playing lame party games.”
Nobody wants to spend their Saturday night playing a game that feels like a corporate team-building exercise. Yet somehow, parties are full of games that require answering weird questions, following complicated rules, or putting you on the spot in front of everyone.
Try instead: Play something people actually want to play.
Think about your crowd before you pick the games. A competitive group might love trivia or a tournament, while another might be happier playing cards, breaking out a board game, or battling it out in Mario Kart. There are plenty of party games that go beyond the usual charades, icebreakers, and getting-to-know-you games, so pick something that matches how your group actually likes to have fun.
9. “I hate staying out late.”
There comes a point when a party that starts at 9 p.m. sounds a lot less appealing than one that ends at 9 p.m. You’re already thinking about what time you’ll get home, whether you’ll be tired tomorrow, and how socially acceptable it would be to Irish Exit an hour into the party.
Try instead: Party while the sun’s still up.
Brunch, lunch, and day parties give you plenty of time to celebrate without having to hype yourself up to stay out all night. Plus, celebrating earlier opens up a whole different set of options, from cookouts to patio drinks to outdoor activities that are a lot more fun before the sun goes down.
10. “I hate parties. Period.”
Fair enough. You are not legally required to throw a party because you’re turning 40, earned a degree, got engaged, landed a new job, moved into a new house, or reached another milestone. Maybe it’s not the small talk, the crowds, the drinking, or the staying out late. Maybe you just don’t. like. parties.
Try instead: Don’t have one.
Take a trip. Book a fancy dinner for two. Spend a day at the spa. Go hiking. See your favorite band. Order takeout and watch movies at home. And if you want to include a few people, rent a cabin for the weekend, get tickets to a sporting event, or have pizza and board games at home. Do whatever would actually make the occasion feel special to you.
Conclusion: Celebrate Your Way
There’s no right way to celebrate. Keep the traditions you like, leave the ones you don’t, and build the rest around what actually sounds fun to you. Your birthday, engagement, graduation, or whatever else you’re celebrating doesn’t have to look like anyone else’s.
And who knows? Once you get rid of the 10 things you hate about parties, you might realize you don’t even hate them. Not even close. Not even a little bit. Not even at all.
Also…RIP Heath Ledger. </3
Kadi McDonald is a freelance writer, marketing strategist, and proud Cleveland sports fan. She is also a self-proclaimed 90’s rom-com connoisseur.
