Arguably one of the most difficult wedding planning tasks is deciding on your guest list. The more guests you invite to your wedding, the more expensive it will be — and the less time you’ll have to interact with guests individually.

If you’re planning a micro wedding, it can be even more challenging to narrow down your guest list. Here’s a few tips for downsizing your guest list without hurting anyone’s feelings. 

Set Your Limit

First things first: you need to decide on your guest list limit. Some couples like to make their guest list and then tally it up at the end, but we think it’s easier to start with a set number and work backwards from there. Consider factors like your budget, venue capacity, and overall wedding day vibe. 

Keep in mind that micro weddings are typically capped at fifty guests or less! If you’re splitting the guest list evenly, that gives you and your fiancé each twenty-five guests to invite.  

Invite Your Must-Haves

Once you’ve established your max guest count, list out your VIPs. This might include immediate family members, close friends, and a few extended relatives. 

It’s important to look at your guest list with a long-term view. If you’re fresh out of college, it might be tempting to invite your entire sorority and their plus-ones. That will eat up your guest list! Think about who you’ll keep in touch with for years to come — not just in the present moment.

The same goes for childhood friends. If you have a lifelong friend but haven’t kept in touch recently (or worse, haven’t heard from them since getting engaged!), think long and hard about inviting them to your micro wedding. 

Set Boundaries

As you look at your guest list, consider other factors like plus-ones and children. Decide on your boundaries for each:

  • Who gets a plus-one? In the spirit of downsizing your guest list, reserve plus-ones for engaged couples or those who live together. Don’t give someone a plus-one just because! 
  • Are children invited? If you’ve ever read the children’s book If You Give a Mouse a Cookie, then you know the domino effect that inviting one child can have on your guest list. If you invite your niece, you have to invite your godson… and so on. By having a kid-free micro wedding, you can save valuable head count and ensure the parents can actually enjoy your celebration!  
Outdoor wedding ceremony
Photo by X L

Prepare for Questions

If you’re worried about the dreaded “Where’s my invitation” or “Can I bring a plus one?” questions, prepare a response ahead of time to avoid stumbling over your words in the moment. You can use AI to help craft your response. Here’s an example from ChatGPT:

Dear [friend],

I hope you’re doing well! I wanted to talk to you about something, and I hope you understand. We’ve been working on putting together our guest list for the wedding, and it’s been a lot more challenging than I expected. After thinking it through, we’ve had to make some really tough decisions to keep the wedding small and intimate due to [budget/venue space/other reasons]. Unfortunately, as much as I’d love to have everyone there, we just can’t invite everyone we’d like to.

I hope you know it’s not a reflection of how much I care about you — I really do! But with the size and budget constraints, I’ve had to prioritize immediate family and a small group of close friends. I really wish we could have you there, and I hope we can celebrate together in other ways leading up to or after the wedding.

Thank you for understanding, and I hope we can catch up soon!

Managing Your Guest List

Narrowing down your micro wedding guest list is step one. For help managing your list, keeping track of RSVPs, and remembering which guests ordered chicken or fish, Eventective’s Guest List Manager is here to help! 

​​Rachel Kauffman is a Detroit-based content writer, bookworm, and cat mom to two feisty felines.